About Losing a Friend

The thing about disappointment is - it teaches you more than you are ready to bargain for. From all the people who come into your life, there are some who stay. Now, from that lot, you eventually realize on the ones who are important to you. Yes, the lack of communication in this social media heavy world (the irony just writes itself) often results in you missing out - truly missing out in their celebrations and more importantly, failure. You feel you're there for them and yet somehow, except their faces on your social media notifications, they aren't really there, and neither are you.

Like the moment when it hits you that you just haven't been in touch - you both have seemlessly been busy in your lives - you with your office, hobbies, passions, parties and them doing the same thing. It's like an unknown competition of who gets to do more "stories" than the other - that perfect shot, that perfect life, apparently. In the quest of this perfection, you end up missing the little details - when they have had a tough day at work, when they have had a horrible date, or when they just didn't want to get up from the bed  - perhaps they are one inch closer to depression?

The updates they give out, get lost in the algorithm. After all, you guys have stopped talking over chats, so you see less of them on your feed. Your new friends made over meme groups and other interests have dominated your life, atleast your online life. Suddenly, that one friend who gave you that kickass farewell when you left that dying city, he just isn't there. He was happy, apparently, right? With his status updates that reeked of intellectualism and sadness. "He's fine, just alone, period." - that's the thought that you must have had when you saw the update before brushing it aside. 

In the hustle of the new city, with parties you'd rather not be a part of, with events you'd find the closest Exit doors to, with people who bore you with their mundane stories and small talks, you suddenly see that void of having a laugh - a real hearty one, one that has you cursing in the end. You miss the friend you died laughing with, and you just don't know who that friend is. That friend has gotten lost in a series of eventualities. There are no more ways of reaching out to that friend, for that friend is dead to you.

It's not possible, really - to be in touch with them all. Prioritizing some and ignoring the rest just doesn't cut it anymore. There are just too many of them in your life now. Some are battling their inner daemons, some are stuck somewhere they don't want to get out of. Soon, an unfortunate text may beep on your phone - that one friend isn't there - his status update will be the last. He has succummed to life and you weren't there. The world of guilt would crash down on you and you'd realize everything that you have done in the past half a decade has come to a big zero.

I guess it all boils down to what you do with the variables you have been given to solve with. Some friends will leave, some, unfortunately, will be taken away. Some will go away because their selfish motives didn't see the light of the day with you. Some will remain, some with their own vested interested. I guess all you need to do is be kind, be there and just be. If a friend comes back after months or years or absence, you smile and you invite them for a drink. If a friend doesn't, you smile and you hope they get more friends to celebrate their disappointments away. 

Life is just about remembering and celebrating the ones who went away, all the while taking the ones who return with open arms. Because this celebration is big and you don't have time, hopefully except for yourself, right?

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